when the stars go blue
by joker to the thief
Summary: He had known that nothing good would come out of going back to Lima.


He never wanted to come back to Lima. Look, he had a life in San Francisco now - a job that he loved, friends that he missed. A future. He never had that while he stayed in his little podunk hometown and coming back here to the backwoods of Ohio, for whatever reason, always felt like a step back for him. A step back to when he was just another Lima Loser. Still, when his little sister calls him all frantic and tells him that their mom was in the hospital, he didn't even have to think about it.

He had to go back.

A week later, his ma is at home, discharged after having surgery on her hip after the car accident that wrapped her old Volvo around a pole over on Main. And him? Well, he's sticking around for a while longer. He couldn't very well leave the two women in his life to fend for themselves, not while one of them was still an invalid. Aviva Puckerman took care of his worthless ass all his life; he thinks it's time he did the same for her.

Which is why he is here now, at Lima's largest grocery store, trying to figure out what to make for dinner. He's thinking that he'd be better off chucking the idea and just ordering takeout. God knows his ma wouldn't mind. He is still contemplating whether to get Chinese or pizza when he sees her.

Rachel Berry.

She is wandering Aisle 5 with a half-full cart and a crossed out shopping list and he spends a minute just staring at her in shock. It isn't the very unBerry-like sweatpants and t-shirt that gives him pause, nor is it the practical bob where princess-long locks used to be.

It is the babbling one-year-old sitting in the shopping cart seat.

"Noah."

With a start, he realizes that she has seen him and he schools his expression appropriately. As she comes closer, the smile on her face is just as bright as it was 7 years ago, when she came to say goodbye and wish him luck in California. He doesn't notice the lines on her face or the dullness in her gaze. To him, she is still as beautiful as she was when she was 18.

"Noah," she repeats as she finally gets close enough. "It's so good to see you."

He accepts the offered hug willingly and a little desperately. She smells of honeysuckle and baby spit up but the heat of her little body seeps into his bones and warms his skin. He pulls back with a smile.

"Rachel Berry" he manages to choke out. "Or should I say, Rachel Hudson. Wouldya look at you? How've you been?"

"Oh, you know, this and that," she replies with a bright chuckle. "Life as a full-time mom isn't as glamorous as being a music producer like you but I get by."

"And who's this little guy?" he asks, turning his gaze to the baby staring at him with big brown eyes.

"This is Connor. Say hello to your Uncle Noah, baby boy." By that time, Connor has stopped his babbling and just keeps looking at him, fascinated. Puck can see Rachel in the shape of his eyes and his brow. His own heart skips a beat of what-might-have-been when the baby decides that the man looking at him was to be trusted and gifts him with a smile.

Looking over at her, he clears his throat nervously. "You look good, Rach." At her blush, he knows better to continue down that road. Instead, he avoids her gaze as he changes the subject, "How's Finn?"

The smile on her face seems pasted on when she replies, "He's great!" Deftly, she steers the conversation away from her husband and on to her son, their new house, even the tile in the guest bathroom. He keeps a hold on her as she navigates the aisles once again, prattling on as she does and sneaking in questions about his life in California, and as her voice fills his ears, he can't help thinking how much he'd missed it.

He is jolted out of his thoughts when his phone beeps. It's his sister, wondering quite rightly at what's taking him so long. When he looks back up from his phone, Rachel is staring at him with this unfamiliar look on her face, one that she very quickly masks.

Rach, I'm sorry but I have to go," he apologizes. "The natives are restless and hungry over at Casa Puckerman."

"I understand," she says softly. "Give my love to Aviva and Becca."

"I will." He hesitates briefly before giving her a peck on the cheek. As his lips brush her skin, he hears a tiny whimper and the hand she has clasped on his arm tightens.

When he pulls back, he meets her eyes filled with unshed tears and realizes what he's been seeing in her gaze all along - unfulfilled dreams, broken promises and regrets over roads not taken. He doesn't know what she sees when she looks at him but it is enough to bring out the stars in her eyes again.

"Noah," she whispers and he can't, he just can't look at her without wanting to rip his own heart out.

Instead, he brushes hair off her forehead gently. "Be happy, Rachel."

"I am. Connor…he's the best thing that ever happened to me, you know? And Finn, he needs me." She averts her gaze as she wipes away an errant tear but when she turns back to him, there is another smile on her face. How could he not have noticed that bright smile becoming so brittle?

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he squeezes her hand in his in a mute goodbye, the diamond in her ring biting into his palm. "Goodbye, Noah," she says softly, as he starts moving towards the exit. He takes one last glance back and smiles at her before walking quickly out the door.

As he sits outside on the darkened porch that night, he contemplates the idiocy of having a 7-year-old broken heart. He should've fought for her. She should've followed her dreams instead of following Finn. He should've been the one. Shoulda, woulda, coulda…fuck.

Gazing up at the moon, he chokes back laughter as bitter as the beer he is wallowing in. He had known that nothing good would come out of going back to this town. Nothing good at all.

* * *

><p><strong>Prompt by jaydenbell: She smelled of honeysuckle and baby spit up.<strong>

**AN: Hello, everyone! I don't know whether you've heard but there's this thing called the Puckleberry Fanfiction Awards. It's kind of a big deal, lol. Anyway, I've been nominated for a few awards, along with some amazing and extremely talented authors. Check it out over at prfanficawards (dot) livejournal (dot) com. You'll find posts for the full list of nominees and the official voting site. Polls are open until Aug. 26 so go vote and spread the word!**

**Oh and for those wondering about "Back to You" and "the planets bend between us", they will be updated very soon, don't worry. (They've also both been nominated for best WIP, just sayin'.) Thanks for all the support, guys! As always, please review!**


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